Tenses

Rachel Fitzgibbons | 

I pause when I catch myself talking about you in present tense,

Discussing you like you can still change your mind.

I always write in past tense,

In the was and did.

But when I write about you I want you to be present,

You are. You do. You live.

I want to keep you around like that stupid novelty air freshener you gave me,

Something I can take for granted,

Something I can always get more of,

More time with you,

More jokes and long talks,

More time spent drinking coolers by the pool,

With soil under our nails, sun on our faces, laughter in our hearts,

More summers and winters,

More. More. More.

I catch myself talking about you in the present tense,

As if you’re still present,

And why must I put you in the past when you are still present in my soul,

Why must I let you go when I wanted more time,

I’m not ready to refer to you as Was,

Was a friend,

Was a good man,

Was alive,

Is missed.

I’ll keep you alive by talking about you in the present tense,

You still are.

To me, you still are.