Read The Reflector x  MRU Write Club in the list of writer portfolios or the print issue | 

Corbyn Andre, Guest Writer |

If you want my opinion—and of course, why wouldn’t you—I would have simply switched off all the oxygen regulators, concluding the Martian Revolt as scarcely a footnote in OmniLearn textbooks. Alas! the fall of Olympus City was five years ago, and my father was still CEO of the Omniscience corporation. Recently, Martian propaganda—sent via banned data-links—has perpetuated several myths about the Martian uprising. This op-ed seeks to dispel and correct a few of those heinous lies.

The first is that between the rising cost of living and stagnating wages, the Martians had no choice but to usurp their betters. I will concede that there was a wealth disparity on Mars, however, it did not exceed the wealth gap of the early 21st century.

A report was read to me the other day that workers were struggling amidst rising rent, food, childcare, OmniInsurance premiums, and of course, the much-hated OmniBreath service fees.

In addition, many people in the past have found it beneficial to acquire a second occupation. What I will say to that is, despite “having no money,” caffeine pill and mobile telephone sales went unaffected. Do with that fact what you will, dear reader.

This leads into another myth: the claim that whilst the Martians were paying high OmniBreath service fees, in turn, maintenance and supply was not up to standard. They say that whilst they were getting sick from neglected filters, or passing out from faulty regulators, the oxygen bars and indoor skydiving gyms of Olympus City were fully operational. Well, of course they were! I can tell you that the administrators and lawyers of Olympus City need oxygen therapy, and indoor skydiving to keep the multitude of companies afloat. There is nothing more important to the functioning of a company than a stress-free and relaxed marketing executive or efficiency manager; if we had neglected their needs, those rascals would have been absolutely unemployed. According to a detailed report that I commissioned, the oxygen levels in the worker silos were more than adequate.

The last myth I find to be the most egregious: that the Martian government blatantly ignored issues concerning the Martians. This is simply untrue. Any hour of the day, Prime Minister Lockwood would drop whatever he was doing when my father and I came calling; and not because he went to school with my father, but because we were his constituents and the largest employer on Mars.

Omniscient’s needs were a priority because they were the needs of everyone, it’s quite simple when you look at it. I implore you, dear reader, to continue ignoring the lies from that rock lest Earth too sinks into the anarchy of welfare states where the “people” stifle energy companies and dentists from making the money that keeps the lights on and the oxygen flowing. Please, do not force your corporate leaders to shut down production zones due to the trifling complaints of a few workshy ingrates.

Corbyn Andre is a guest writer and a member of the MRU Write Club 2024-2025.