Sex Column: Parting the red sea

This article can really be summed up in one sentence: put a towel down.

But, I can understand why it’s not always that simple. Most folks would rather pretend that half the population does not spend roughly a quarter of every month bleeding out of their cooch.

I’d argue that this is because our society has a stigma on bodily functions, and the period is no exception. It’s a bit of a body-shaming situation where women are told to hibernate their vaginas four to seven days per month because what they’re going through is gross.

However, I’m not trying to imply that if you’re put off by period sex, you have a vendetta against women or anything. Blood is a bit icky, I get it.

If you are able to get over your initial hesitations about doing it on shark week, earning your red wings may be better than you imagined. Photo illustration: James Wilt

I assume the whole thing especially puts off a lot of guys because they haven’t experienced their nether-regions bleeding every month since their early teens. I imagine this leads them to picture something akin to The Shining when the elevator doors open and a tidal wave of blood pours out.

For women, periods stopped being a big deal after like the third year. I seriously don’t think I could give less of a fuck about the whole thing at this point.

If you’re bringing up this topic with your partner, just say something like, “I’m going to be starting my period soon. I would still be down to have sex, are you okay with that?”

If they seem hesitant, try to explain to them that it really isn’t the torrent of blood they’re imagining. But if they aren’t into it, you’re out of luck. As always, sex is always about all parties being comfortable with what’s going on, especially when it comes to each other’s bodies.

Although, dudes: remember when you were telling your girlfriend to “keep an open mind” about busting a load all over her face or whatever you’re into? Well, this is a good opportunity to practice what you preach.

If you are the lucky one who doesn’t get a period but you want to have period sex, just say something like, “I would be fine still having sex while you’re on your period, if you’re okay with that.”

For the actual sex, as I said earlier, you’ll probably want to put a towel down (one that you’re cool with getting some blood on). It will also save some mess if whoever is having the period goes on the bottom, that way you’re working with gravity instead of against.

Try to have sex on days when your period is the lightest to keep down the mess as well. Although, when you start having sex your flow actually slows down quite a lot, sometimes stopping or pausing entirely, so it might not be the blood bath you’re picturing.

You can also get clean while you fuck by having shower sex.

To avoid the mess entirely, stick a tampon up in there and then it’s anal time, baby.

A big benefit of period sex is so much lube. Kidding. An actual major benefit according to epigee.org, is that period sex can sooth menstrual cramps, and as lady parts are more sensitive during period time, you could have a better orgasm, faster.

If you can’t find someone willing to have freaky period sex with you, then I would suggest you make that time of the month a golden week of masturbation.

One thing you want to be careful of is STIs. When on your period you are more susceptible to contracting an STI. If you and your partner have not been tested and cleared, or you’re not in a monogamous relationship, a condom is a must. But of course the only way to guarantee you won’t get one is to not have sex.

The most important thing to remember is that it’s just blood, it’s a completely normal and healthy (albeit annoying) part of being a female and it doesn’t need to keep cock-blocking you.