Season of joy and chaos

Mia Smith, Staff Writer | 

We are entering the winter season of joy, when we may take stock of the year and spend time with those we love. Each person’s holiday season looks different. Christmas used to be a joyful time for me. Nowadays, I spend Christmas rushing around the province trying to visit every member of my family and exhausting myself to the brink. I always thought this was unique to me and my family dynamic, but as I have gotten older I now see that this is the new ‘norm’ for many people.

The classic happy family

As a society, we are moving away from the traditional norms of getting married and having children. When I was younger, I wanted to live in a white picket fenced home with my perfect husband and kids. But, as I have gotten older, I resent that dynamic. Not because it’s wrong but because, for so many (including myself) this was not the reality.

But what is it that really steers the new generation of adults away from this traditional way of living?

It could be because I was raised in a setting where love existed, but it wasn’t stereotypical, or it could be because life is difficult enough at this age, so why would I want to add another life to it? Either way, my family was never that family.

What is family?

In classic terms, family means a group of one or two parents and their children or descendants of a common ancestor. When I think of family, my blood related family comes to mind. However, I also think of my friends as my family.

Restaurant manager Miranda Stewart, 28, feels that one may create their own community and family without having kids.

“I think that it is your close group that you know best and that know you best,” says Stewart. In fact, for many young people who are living on their own for the first time, friends create a community that is built and kept for one’s whole life. Take the hit show ‘Friends’ as an example.

There is a point in your life where your friends are your family. For myself, I did not realize how true this was until I was in it. My first call when emergency struck was to my best friend, not my mom.

Divorce

The D word. A terrifying reality for 18 per cent of kids, according to Stats Canada 2019. But hey, two Christmases!

“I’ve never had that traditional family, even my grandparents are divorced,” says Stewart. “So I don’t even really know what that looks like.”

In my limited time off from work, I normally spend my Christmases hopping around and trying not to offend people by where I spend my time. Stewart has a similar experience.

“You feel like you are picking one parent over the other,” says Stewart. Even now, a staggering 20 years later, Stewart still resents the holidays due to the sheer amount of stress that reappears every year.

This is the case for a large number of people. Finding sources of joy in other areas of your life is what it really comes down to. No matter where those friendships originate, it is crucial to cultivate and preserve them. According to Quora, it is common for people to want to be financially independent and stable before tying the knot and having children. As a young adult in a world of financial ruin, how are we ever gonna be financially independent enough to then take care of the financial responsibility of potential kids?

Societal norms

If we do not settle down and have children, will we be disappointing the grandparents of the world? What do they really think of our generation? Are they embarrassed of us?

In the past, gender norms ran rampant through everyday life. It was common for men to go work and for women to stay home to clean, raise the children, and look pretty with a drink in hand waiting for their husbands to return at the end of the day.

Not only are people shifting away from this stereotypical breadwinner and housewife model, but it also is not attainable even if one wanted it. Due to the economic state of the country, it is almost impossible for an entire family to survive on one person’s salary.

Since her early twenties, Eileen Miller has been happily married and has embraced this “traditional way of living.” Miller believes that the cost of living is a huge contributor to why young people are shifting away from this traditional model.

“Today both parents are working and they do not spend as much time with their family as they should, in our day and age the mother stayed at home and kept the home going,” says Miller. “I think that’s very important for kids.”

“We don’t need that family dynamic now,” contradicts Stewart. “I don’t need to have a child to make sure I am taken care of, I don’t need to have a husband to pay my rent or own land.”

Miller, who has been married for 60 years, gave her words of wisdom to the next generation, stressing that life is short and to make sure you don’t look back and regret your actions or inactions. Even if a lot of options may appear overwhelming and daunting, you must act in your own best interests.

How does one make it work if they decide they want to get married? With high divorce rates, it seems almost impossible in this day and age.

“No secrets from anybody, you did something you shouldn’t have done? Speak up and tell them,” emphasizes Miller. Miller says that, along with a large bottle of wine, the secret to a happy marriage is being open and honest.

Eileen and Gord Miller have been happily married for 60
years. Photo courtesy of Darci Miller.

Holiday season

The holidays are a fickle time for many people, filled with both joy and tension, tradition and uncertainty. In today’s world, where families come in all shapes and sizes, finding two that are exactly the same is like trying to catch two snowflakes that are identical—utterly impossible.

Every family has its own unique mix of personalities, histories, and dynamics, which can make the holiday season feel like a blend of chaos and love.

As this season of joy quickly approaches, Stewart and Miller both emphasize a simple yet effective message: the importance of spending time with family, whatever that looks like to you.

Whether that family is blood relatives or possibly your group of friends volunteering at a soup kitchen or even just staying at home with your furry friends, the holidays are a time to recap on the year and take time to look back, reflect and make your own traditions.

Mia Smith is a Staff Writer for The Reflector 2024-2025.