Sex Column: Where do squirts come from?
Discussing the messy case of female ejaculation
by Vanessa Redux
Legends are made when something occurs that is so unbelievable people create a narrative surrounding the event that will endure through the ages and live in our collective consciousness.
Besides David Bowie’s gratuitous cod piece and unitard in Labyrinth or the gerbil in Richard Gere’s poop shoot, perhaps one of the most legendary topics in our sexy lexicon is “the squirt,” which is a little of both.
Female ejaculation is much debated, mysterious and messy. Some women ejaculate clear across the room while for others the idea of giving their partner a “pearl necklace” could be as liberating, yet as wanton as peeing in a bubble bath.
The scientific community is divided about squirting, the main reason being research methods have been less than conclusive. This is probably because when women volunteered to be subjects in a study, they often found it difficult to relax enough to cause their nether geyser to gush — if they could at all.
When sexologists began studying this pussy paradox in the ‘30s they immediately diagnosed it as urinary stress incontinence, or in other words, pissing oneself. It’s understandable they would be fooled by this proverbial champagne pop as it appears to come out of the same place as tinkle.
Testing shows that whether it came from a girl oyster or a boy oyster, those pearls are incredibly similar. The girl juice just lacks the swimmers.
So where does it come from? This was one of the reasons that scientists wouldn’t —and some still don’t — admit that squirting was a reaction to a different type of orgasm than clitoral and penetrative — the G-spot orgasm.
They couldn’t find the source and still can’t agree. Even women who experience this orgasm are confused and often embarrassed because the sensation before the squirt is identical to the one you get when you find yourself doing the pee-pee dance, so the natural conclusion is fairly apparent.
Only 40 per cent of women have reported this guilty gush. Some woman lack the Skene’s glands that are presumed to be the source, but the topic really hasn’t been studied in twenty years according to Scientific American Magazine. However, it is interesting to see the overwhelmingly positive response from women who gush about gushing.
There are many resources available to school yourself on the elusive downstairs downpour, but for the sake of being graphic I’ll explain.
It’s said that not all women have the glands or even the G-spot to create this fount, but there’s no reason I can think of why everyone shouldn’t conduct a full investigation on themselves or their curious counterpart. Here’s what to do:
Find your G-spot. It’s on the vaginal wall behind the clit, but the trick is it won’t even be there if you’re not hot and bothered proper.
Once you’re begging for it, if you insert your fingers and explore that area it will feel like a spongy nickel. The best part is it will always be in the last place you looked — so once you’ve found it then you won’t lose it.
So, you’re up to your knuckles and you’ve found the X that marks the spot. In some cases, women find they squirt through penetration, but for the purpose of this exercise we will focus on the classic finger format. Moving your fingers in a rhythmic “come here” motion over the G will (hopefully) begin to feel like sunshine and puppies and rainbows.
It is completely possible to have a G-spot orgasm without squirting as well. You’ll know you’re on the way to ejaculating when you begin to feel like you have to pee.
Now — and this is imperative — relax.
Don’t tense your Kegel muscles and stay as relaxed as is possible while on the verge of climax. Oh, and consider keeping a towel handy in case your jizz turns to wiz; sometimes a small portion of pee can come out, too.
As far as I understand this can be a laborious process. So if at first you don’t succeed, take a break, eat a sandwich, maybe pay some bills, and try, try again. If you never ever squirt at least they can’t say you’re a quitter.
If you’re experimenting with someone they will certainly tell the story of the search for your squirt as though it is the stuff of legend.