Your Guide to Orgasms
What to know to get your ‘O’!
Hanna Deeves, Sex Columnist
Ah, the sometimes elusive orgasm. We all want to have one but why doesn’t it happen every time? The process to reach orgasm starts at arousal. The amount of time it takes for each person is different, but this is what makes foreplay so important. After arousal, you work your way up to plateau. This is the height of pleasure, and then orgasm is when you push even further than that. Directly after, you crash right down to where you started. That’s where the refractory period starts, and it is generally shorter for women than it is for men. That’s why it’s easier for women to have multiple orgasms. Orgasms vary in their intensity. They can be short, sweet, long, intense or come in rolling waves. So here are some different ways to reach orgasm. All can work on their own or in any combination, depending on the person.
The go to way for a majority of women to get to their happy place, the clitoris itself has 8,000 nerve endings, and although it is small, the sensations affect 15,000 other nerve endings in the pelvic area. Meaning it is very sensitive, and gets more sensitive with more stimulation. The clitoris is actually more than just what you see from the outside, there is actually quite a bit of clitoral tissue that runs inside the body and around the vaginal canal. It can be stimulated with fingers, the tongue or toys.
Don’t get this confused with G-spot stimulation, for some women, simply being penetrated deeply, is all they need. You probably won’t reach this with fingers, but a penis or toy can be inserted up to the cervix, which, given it doesn’t get any contact in day to day life, can be very sensitive, and pleasurable. However, it could be painful, so start slow to see what you or your partner likes.
The G-spot, has special skene’s glands and is partially connected to the clitoris. Though it varies on every woman, it is an area you can feel through the anterior vaginal wall about an inch or two from the vaginal opening. Not all women have these glands and each women has a different number of these glands, so the area will be more sensitive for some ladies and not so much for others. To find it, insert a finger or two to about the second knuckle and make a ‘come hither’ motion, it should feel spongy. The G-spot can also be reached by a penis, toys and sometimes tongue.
Men and women can also achieve orgasm though anal penetration. Some might find it extremely pleasurable, painful and some might be indifferent. If trying it out, go slow with someone that you trust. Use fingers, small toys and lots of lubricant before diving into anal penetration with a penis or large toy.
Also know as the male G-spot, is the prostate or P-spot. It is located about two inches deep in the anal cavity and will feel like a chestnut sized lump. Stimulating the prostate can provide very intense orgasms. It can be stimulated by fingers, toys or a penis. It can be stimulated during oral sex as well for an intense combination.
Help I can’t cum!
Unfortunately, there are people that despite being sexually active have never had the pleasure of experiencing an orgasm. If this is you there is nothing wrong with you. You just haven’t found what works for you yet. The key to any orgasm is consistency. Find what feels good and don’t stop. Get yourself to that plateau I mentioned earlier, and keep going with it. Really focus in on the moment and the pleasure you’re feeling. Try to let go of all the stresses of the day or any anxiety you might be feeling in the moment. Stress is going to make it harder to orgasm.
Use toys! There are easy to find and affordable options out there, that can open up a whole new world of pleasure. Use them on your own, or use them with a partner. Toys are not meant to replace the sensation of being with another person, but they can be a great addition. Your partner should not be intimidated by the fact that you need a little extra help to achieve orgasm. Simply explain that we are all different, and it has nothing to do with their performance.
We all get there differently. If none of the above works for you, maybe you need extra stimulation so get in touch with what you like. Maybe dirty talk is what you need. Experiment and try new things. Figure out just what it is that gets you there, and be able to verbalize it to your partner. You both just want to have the best time you can have, that’s the whole reason we do this sex thing in the first place!