Sex Column: The F-word
When should ‘friends’ cross that boundary?
There is something truly magical about sleeping with that special someone, but what if that special someone is your best friend? Is it still a scene out of a Disney movie, or does it lead to a messy, complicated plot twist in your friendship?
The pros of boinking your buddy is that you are typically already comfortable with this person and conversation is easy, so the sex could be out of this world. I mean, you two already have enough chemistry to spend endless hours together watching movies, or hanging out at the local pub talking politics and hypotheticals over a cheap brew.
At the same time, this amazing sex can ultimately complicate your simple buddy realm. You are, after all, showing your pal all your bits and pieces and making yourself extremely vulnerable.
There are pros and cons, including the blurring of that clean (and easy) line of friendship and creating something a little more complicated. You may also experience feelings of jealousy when your friend is chatting up another hottie with a body: this may catch you by surprise because you perhaps were the ultimate wingman to this person beforehand.
You may also realize that your friendly feelings have undergone some reno’s and have transformed into a true infatuation. Maybe that connection you had as friends was actually the early signs of falling in love, and the flood of endorphins you experienced during your tumble has created butterflies…no, Mothras, in your stomach.
Now you can’t even look at your bud without picturing your future together. On the other hand, you may find yourself thinking you don’t ever want to see this person again.
We don’t want that. Getting friend-dumped sucks especially if it’s with your bestie’.
The best way to avoid any hurt feelings and confusion is to be up front with your mate. Lay down some ground rules before you hit the sack. Of course, if your hook-up occurs at the bottom of a bottle of Fireball, this conversation may not take place, so it is equally important to have a post-coitus debrief.
Establish the foundation of your relationship. Is it simply a merging of flesh and fluids, or does it also include some feelings? If there are feelings involved, by either you or your boo, ask your partner what they want from it — is there something they’re searching for in you (other than a happy ending)? Clear this up and it will help you make a more educated choice when contemplating crossing over that friend-zone.
You care about this person and it may be tough to move forward without these reoccurring feelings. Yet sometimes, if you’re lucky, you may have found the best fuck buddy of your life. Maybe even your soul mate.
So the question remains: is it worth it to cross that line between friends and lovers? It’s up to you! Weigh the pros and cons depending on your situation with your buddy, but as long as you stay open and honest with your pal you can figure it out.
And here’s my final tip: to avoid any uncomfortable feelings, you should probably hang out as soon as possible doing something the two of you would normally do, hit the pool hall, rent that B-rated horror flick, or go for a jog. Whatever your thing was, do it and it will show you and your buddy that you are still fully capable of being friends, at least for now.