Sex Column: Back-to-school sex rules
Your guide to getting down and dirty in university
It’s fall, and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils, pumpkin spice lattes and new textbooks are in the air. But wait, what is that smell? Why, it’s the smell of fresh strange!
Fall is the most wonderful time of year because a whole new flock of ladies and gents become the new extras in your university life. These soon-to-be-familiar faces are in the hallways and they’re filling the seats of The Hub, so it’s time to make some new friends. Maybe you’ll even find the love of your life this season…or at the very least, a fuck buddy.
I am all for sexual exploration — especially if it means everyone is getting some. That being said, there are some simple rules that everyone should follow.
First and foremost: don’t be a dick. Know the difference between being MRU’s Don Juan and being a total creep. If you are ten beers deep and slurring your shitty pick-up lines to the hot blonde at the next booth and she has her “GTFO” face on…take note. Pay your bill and bail, dude, ‘cause you’re a creep. Ladies, same goes to you, read that man’s body language. His abs are not braille, so keep your hands to yourself — unless of course, he invites you in.
Don’t ever pressure a potential partner into bed with you either. Even if this is a casual, no-strings-attached lovin’, it’s important to remember that the only thing that means yes is “yes.” Consent is sexy.
Communicate with your mystery mate. Make sure that you are both clear on what is acceptable and what is totally off limits. Not everyone likes it in the A, especially if it comes as a surprise. Make sure that both of you are on board so that feelings don’t get tangled up in the sheets with you.
If you have anything you need to tell your partner, do it beforehand — or else your case of crabs may end up spreading like wildfire. Honesty is the best policy in terms of those uncomfortable itches and bumps down there, because the truth is way easier to handle. A case of the herps…well that’s for life.
Always be courteous to your neighbours. Keep it down if you have roommates because they’re the last people you want to piss off. You don’t want to end up sleeping in the hallway. If your bang goals are set high maybe you should buy your roommates a pair of nice headphones so they don’t have to listen to your moans and groans.
And remember kids, safety comes first, so pack a condom. Keep it in your backpack rather than your wallet because you don’t want to be that guy. Girls, you should have some stashed in your purse too, just in case your guy doesn’t come prepared.