Sex Column: Have you ever had camping sex?
With Labour Day Weekend feeling far in the past and four months of work ahead summer is officially over.
But does it have to be? September is still warm; you can extend it by drinking on patios, catching the last few outdoor shows and simply ignoring all your classes and responsibilities.
Going camping is another way to prolong summer. Remember, it gets chillier at night so find a friend to cuddle with. That’s right; we’re talking about tent sex.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Lindsay, camping season is practically over! I could have used this advice back in July.” Well we don’t publish in July and it was snowing in April so deal with it.
The prospect of fucking in a tent brings up a few obvious concerns.
The first is tent sharing. Even if you and whoever you’re tenting with are extremely comfortable with each other, having sex less than a foot away from them in an enclosed space is pushing the boundaries of friendship.
Past having some sort of designated sex tent, or just having sex whoever you’re sharing a tent with, which is just economical, you and your bud(s) should come up with a system for this situation. Tent buddy could go sleep in the car, leaving you the tent, or vice versa.
You and your hookup could also sneak away when everyone is still by the campfire and bang while the tents are empty.
If you’re adventurous you can go into the woods and bone as nature intended. But according to horror movies you will be murdered and according to raunchy comedies you’ll at least get poison oak, so fuck at your own risk.
If there is a penis involved in this situation for the love of god bring condoms. Not just for the important aspect of safe sex, but also because it will make clean up much easier. When you’re camping you’re already dirty, greasy and unshowered. Do you want to add “covered in dry semen” to that list? Probably not so bring condoms.
If there are no penises involved, still bring protection of course. You’re already dirty, greasy and unshowered, do you want to add “positive for syphilis” to that list? I didn’t think so.
Wet naps are also helpful for post-sex cleanup, but those should already be on your camping list, sex or not.
Getting fucked in a tent means there is a thin layer of fabric between you and the outdoors. Therefore the possibility of being overheard is high. It’s not a huge deal if those around you hear a noise or two. If you’ve gone through the trouble of banishing your friend to the car it’s obvious what you’re getting up to. But some people are unfortunately not getting laid and are therefore trying to sleep so keep it down.
If you’re used to making a certain amount of noise, being quieter and having to restrain yourself can be pretty hot. It adds an element of self-control that makes it all the more satisfying when you finally release and finish.
If you have trouble not making noise, try getting your partner to cover your mouth or let you (gently) bite down on their hand. Create a make-shift gag with a scarf or (clean) shirt if you’re both feeling bold.
It’ll be dark and a bit cramped, which is limiting, but you can still pull off the three basic moves pretty easily. Missionary, girl-on-top, and doggy style should keep things from getting monotonous. “The wheelbarrow” is pushing it.
And oral is easy to do no matter where you are, so if the lack of space is too frustrating, just put your mouth on it.
Turn on a flashlight for a bit of light. Put it on its side and with a light piece of fabric over it to create a glow without causing a silhouette effect. As in: people would be able to see silhouettes of you fucking.
If you’re in a couple then you have a hell of a head start as you probably have your own tent. Get sleeping bags that can be zipped together for easier access and warmth.
Still feeling depressed about the end of summer even after a sexy romp in the woods? Don’t sweat it. All the long snowy nights spent indoors means one thing: Winter is cumming.