Sex Column: First-time sexy-time

Entering the awkward zone

Lynn Don

Sex Columnist

Having a sex for the first time can be both frightening and exciting. For the virgins reading this, you most likely feel some pressure to “lose it.” University culture certainly emphasizes sex as a mandatory post-secondary experience.

And hey, if anyone is going to say that sex is great and you should try it, it’s me. But that said, it’s up to you and you alone when you want to get down and dirty.

When talking about sex most people are usually referring to vaginal penetration with a penis. However for someone who is gay, lesbian, transsexual, etc. this type of sex might never happen. Does that mean someone who doesn’t partake in vaginal penetrative sex is forever a virgin? Psh, as if.

If you want to say your first time having any sexual intimacy with your partner was losing your v-card, go right ahead. Alternatively if you want to blow 50 dudes and still call yourself a virgin because no one’s been in your vagina, go for it.

Don’t stress so much about losing your virginity. It will come. See what I did there? Photo Illustration: James Wilt

You’ve likely heard first time sex is awkward and painful and not enjoyable. For some people it is, but just because it’s your first time doesn’t mean it has to be.

The first thing I would suggest doing is getting comfortable with you. Get acquainted with your beautiful genitalia: touch it, rub it, and take a look at it with a pocket mirror. You and your downtown bits are in this together, so you might as well know them pretty well before you start introducing them to others.

Part of what makes first time sex so awkward is that you just aren’t comfortable, which is fair, you’re naked and vulnerable and in a situation you’ve never been in before. But if you are comfortable with your own body it might be easier when you’re with someone else.

As always, communication is important. Prior to having sex, talk with your partner about what you’re going to do. Make sure you’re both ready for this. If both of you are virgins, there might be less pressure to perform since both of you are learning the ropes.

However, the benefit of an experienced partner is that they can potentially provide some guidance, so one isn’t better than the other. Regardless, if you two are comfortable with each other and trust each other it will make for a better experience.

There is a notion that first-time sex hurts for women because the hymen breaks and then blood gushes out of her and kills the mood a bit.

However, according to Planned Parenthood, it’s actually stretched, not broken, which can cause some pain and bleeding, but might not. Everyone is different essentially, and it’s unlikely to be the bloodbath you’re imagining.

Using plenty of lube can help prevent your first time from hurting. Foreplay can also help by getting your natural lubricants going, and foreplay is pretty great so you should be partaking in it regardless. Your hymen can also be stretched from using tampons, masturbating, playing sports, etc. so it might not even be an issue at all.

Dudes, if your penis hurts during sexual activity, you might want to get that checked out. The major thing you have to worry about is not cumming immediately.

Entering the world of sexual experiences can be scary but hopefully you can make it a little less daunting and even enjoy your first time. If you don’t, don’t sweat it.

If there’s one great thing about first-time sex it’s that there are low expectations. If you cum really quickly, or accidentally elbow your partner in the crotch, or poke them in the eye with your dick or whatever, try not to worry too much about it. It’ll get better.

Remember, practice makes perfect, so put that genitalia to work!

Also, if you’ve been trying to get some action and just haven’t had any luck, don’t worry, it will happen. I remember reading the sex survey in my first year at MRU and lamenting about that fact that only two per cent of students surveyed said they were virgins, and I fell into that two per cent.

And now I write the sex column! Reach for the stars, friends.