Sex Column: Put those fingers to good use
Using your digits to please your partner
It’s starting to get chilly out there! Do you ever notice that no matter how much you bundle up, your fingers are always beyond freezing? I have the perfect way to keep those digits warm — keep them in a nice, cozy vagina.
I know I didn’t give a whole lot of help last column in regards to getting yourself off with your finger friends, and I apologize for nothing because I assume you now have a vibrator and are orgasming around the clock, so you’re welcome.
However, I do think I could try to help out those that don’t have battery-operated devices at their disposal, especially those who are trying to get their ladyfriends off.
A dude finger-banging a woman is like a woman giving a handjob to a man. You can’t do it as well as they can, and you might be better off just putting your mouth on it.
If you’re a lesbian, it could still be tricky to find the right rhythm — we’re all unique snowflakes, works for you might leave her cold.
However, fingering is still a great part of foreplay, and some people don’t like getting eaten out. Besides, it’s always nice to mix it up a bit; sex doesn’t need to just be whatever is the most efficient.
Before I get into a few techniques you could try, the best advice I can really give is to just talk to your partner in this adventure.
I’m always kind of confused when I see extensive how-to articles that say things like, “Try this technique: are her cheeks turning pink and eyes dilated? That’s a good sign.” JUST ASK IF IT FEELS GOOD.
It also doesn’t need to be a drawn out step-by-step conversation on how to best finger her. When you’re doing something just say, “Does this feel good?”
If they are moaning and groaning and very obviously having a good time, you don’t need to be like, “Hey, hey, HEY! Do you like this? Are you sure?” All I’m saying is it doesn’t need to be guess work.
It can be uncomfortable for some (myself included!) to talk about how you want someone to touch you, but no one can read your mind, so you can’t expect someone to give you a way awesome orgasm if you don’t help them out a bit.
Even just a simple yes or no to a question can make the difference between “so close” and “oh my god, guhhhhh!”
Okay, a few tips: I know this takes some forethought but try to keep your nails trimmed. Nobody needs long nails scraping around in their vagina. Ouch.
Two fingers are probably going to be the magic number, but maybe start with one and work your way up. Lube might not be necessary but it can make things easier. If you don’t have any on hand then remember you always have nature’s lube, A.K.A. saliva.
An important thing to remember with finger-banging is to not take it literally. Your fingers do not make a penis, or dildo, so don’t just slam them into their vagina as hard as you can.
The benefit of fingers over something phallic is that they’re flexible so you can experiment with different movements (such as circular vs. back and forth).
Try sticking a finger or two into the vagina with your hand facing up (assuming they’re on their back) and doing a “come here” motion. The hope is this will hit the magical G-spot.
Keep trying different methods and speeds of stroking in and around the vagina, asking occasionally for some guidance from your partner.
Best bet for an orgasm for a lot of women is going to be via the clitoris, which is seen as a little nob on top of the outside of the vagina (but is actually just nerves upon feel good nerves).
Don’t just focus on the clit, especially since too much stimulation can cause it to feel numb after a bit, which is basically the opposite of an orgasm.
Instead, touch and rub around the clitoris, and inside the vagina to get some build up, before you put the majority of your focus there. You can have one hand going in the vagina and the other on the clitoris, or switch the hand you’re using to give the other a break.
You might also want to consider getting your tongue down there while simultaneously using your fingers. Try using your tongue to draw shapes of the alphabet on her vagina, mix it up a little bit!
Sometimes the repetitive motion of a tongue can also lead to desensitization, which neither party really wants to have happen.
Some women are down for anal play, others aren’t. This is why you ask. Don’t just hope they’re into it.
There are tons that can be done in the realm of finger fun. It’s an underrated art. So good luck and keep those fingers warm, my friends.